Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
even my farts smell like vagina
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
