if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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