Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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