so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
