Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
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I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
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New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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