Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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