i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
did you just send me my own nude
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
