mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
