my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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