Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
