no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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