If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize