We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Did you pee in the oven last night??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
