my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
