i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My ATM looks so different sober.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
