if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
