I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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