She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
do nipples grow back?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
