So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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