3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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