Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My brain says no but my pants say off.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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