Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize