i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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