Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
