You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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