honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I want her autograph on my taint
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
