Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
