so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
