Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
