Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
barbara walters just said penis...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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