THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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