saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
