Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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