I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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