When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
