I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The feeling are messing with the penis
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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