Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
