fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
