i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We named our party play list daddy issues
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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