on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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