and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Even my vagina gasped.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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