Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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