First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize