I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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