I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
