Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
