Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
