I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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