I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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