were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
