So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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