my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
