I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think a kid would responsible me up
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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