you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Life is so much better after having sex.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
