Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
