I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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