It's Friday. Sex?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
