ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
