Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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