I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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