I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
