forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
