things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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