is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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