Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
