i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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