Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
