I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
