There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
