can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Come on in and take your pants off
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
