I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
